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**Hey everyone! Ever since
Night Of Champions 2015, through multiple accounts, every month before major
WWE pay-per-views, I’ve come on here and booked the cards to make them as
exciting, intriguing, and best possible scenarios for the future. I do both NXT
and main-roster pay-per-views, as well as the occasional big milestone RAW or
Smackdown weekly show. Without further ado, here is how Royal Rumble 2021
should be booked**
> MY ROYAL RUMBLE PPV POSTS OF PREVIOUS YEARS:
* 2018: https://www.reddit.com/r/fantasybooking/comments/7tnpam/how_wwe_should_book_royal_rumble_2018/
* Greatest Royal Rumble
(including this just to piss everyone off): https://www.reddit.com/r/WWE/comments/8fc977/how_wwe_should_book_greatest_royal_rumble_2018/
* 2019: https://www.reddit.com/r/SquaredCircle/comments/ak4n3q/how_wwe_should_book_royal_rumble_2019/
> MAIN SHOW:
* LET’S GET READY TO
RUMBLE. NO LONG NONSENSE INTRO MONOLOGUE, LET’S JUST GET DOWN TO BUSINESS. THE
SURPRISES, THE UNPREDICTABILITY, THE ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA BEGINS, WELCOME TO
THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!! As always, this isn’t what I think WILL happen, this is
what I think SHOULD happen. Now, let’s distract ourselves from the real world
with some pro wrestling.
**1ST MATCH: 2021 Women’s
Royal Rumble Match**
* I don’t have the time to
write TWO full Rumble matches, but I have all my entrants in the table below.
Some key things:
* Bayley and Bianca as 1
and 2 would be perfect. They’re always trying to outdo each other, so imagine
if the opening portion of the Rumble was them trying to get one up by seeing
how many people that come in they can eliminate. A big contest between
them to start off. They’d both be Ironwomen and last all the way to the ending
stages.
* After Nikki Cross is
choked out by Shayna Baszler and dumped over the top for elimination, Nikki
finally snaps and she attacks her former friend Alexa Bliss and throws her
(through middle rope) outside the ring and tries to unleash her anger on her,
but Bliss uses her Fiend powers and hits a Sister Abigail on Nikki on the ramp
to take her out. The next entrant is Shotzi Blackheart, and Alexa Bliss slowly
turns around as she’s riding her tank down to the ring, and she stands in front
of the tank, and absolutely crushes both the tank and Shotzi to show her
dominance.
* Lana comes out and takes
advantage of Nia and Shayna trying to pull each over over the top and Lana runs
up and dumps them both over. Miracle moment.
* Charlotte and Trish come
out back to back and they have a moment calling back to their match at
Summerslam 2019. Io comes out soon after and we have a 3-way dance with
Charlotte, Trish and Io for a bit.
* Final 4 are Alexa Bliss,
Bayley, Bianca Belair and Rhea Ripley. Alexa Bliss goes out. Final 3 are Rhea,
Bayley and Bianca. Bayley ends up eliminating Bianca and thinks she’s the
greatest ever, but Rhea comes up from behind and military presses Bayley over
her head, and throws her to the outside to be caught by Bianca. Rhea Ripley has
won the Women’s Rumble match! See order of entry, as well as some of the
eliminations I mentioned above in the table below.
**Rhea Ripley (#29) won the
2021 Women’s Royal Rumble by last eliminating Bayley (#1)**
Entry # | Entrant | Order
Eliminated | Eliminated By | Eliminations | Brand
:--|:--|:--|:--|:--|:--|
1 | Bayley | 29 | Rhea
Ripley | Many. | SmackDown
2 | Bianca Belair | 28 |
Bayley | Many. | SmackDown
3 | Dana Brooke | 1 |
Bayley | 0 | RAW
4 | Peyton Royce | 2 |
Bianca Belair | 0 | RAW
5 | Tamina | 3 | Bayley
& Bianca Belair | 0 | SmackDown
6 | Eva Marie | x | Bayley
& Bianca Belair | 0 | Unassigned
7 | Nikki Cross | x |
Shayna Baszler | 0 | SmackDown
8 | Shayna Baszler | x |
Lana | 1 | RAW
9 | Alexa Bliss | 27 | x |
x | RAW
10 | Shotzi Blackheart | x
| x | x | NXT
11 | Nia Jax | x | Lana | x
| RAW
12 | Lana | x | x | x | RAW
13 | Victoria | x | x | x |
Legend
14 | Naomi | x | x | x |
SmackDown
15 | Lacey Evans | x |
Charlotte Flair | x | RAW
16 | Liv Morgan | x | x | x
| SmackDown
17 | Dakota Kai | x | x | x
| NXT
18 | Ruby Riott | x | x | x
| SmackDown
19 | Mandy Rose | x | x | x
| RAW
20 | Kaitlyn | x | x | x |
Legend
21 | Billie Kay | x | x | x
| SmackDown
22 | Melina | x | x | x |
Legend
23 | Kay Lee Ray | x | x |
x | NXT UK
24 | Charlotte Flair | x |
x | x | RAW
25 | Trish Stratus | x | x
| x | Legend
26 | Toni Storm | x | x | x
| NXT
27 | Io Shirai | x | x | x
| NXT
28 | Lita | x | x | x |
Legend
29 | Rhea Ripley (WINNER) |
x | x | x | Unassigned
30 | Natalya | x | x | x |
SmackDown
* We get a backstage
interview with Edge. We also get shots of several announced participants in the
Men’s Rumble match warming up backstage, including The Mysterios, Daniel Bryan,
Nakamura, Cesaro, Miz and Morrison, Big E, etc.
**2ND MATCH: Asuka and
Charlotte Flair (c) vs. Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler (Tag Team match for the WWE
Women’s Tag Team Championships)**
* Shayna and Nia are out
first, having just eliminated each other in the Women’s Rumble match, so
there’s lots of awkward tension there. Asuka and Charlotte are out next. **The
match gets 12 minutes and we get formal ring introductions**. Charlotte gets
the win with the Natural Selection to Nia. I don’t see any reason in taking the
titles off Asuka/Charlotte now, and Nia and Shayna sure as hell has run its
course and they shouldn’t have them again. Let the Asuka/Charlotte alliance go
on a little bit longer, and one of them can turn on each other at Elimination
Chamber or Fastlane.
**WINNERS by PINFALL and
STILL WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions: Asuka and Charlotte Flair**
* We go backstage to Roman
Reigns’ locker room. Reigns is there with Heyman, and Jey Uso. Heyman runs down
Owens as Reigns smirks. Jey Uso is told not to come to ringside tonight. He
needs to focus on winning the Men’s Rumble match. Jey nods and walks off.
Heyman and Reigns smile evilly. We get a video package for the next match.
**3RD MATCH: Roman Reigns
(c) (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. Kevin Owens (Last Man Standing match for the WWE
Universal Championship)**
* Owens is out first followed
by Roman Reigns. **The match gets 20 minutes and we get formal ring
introductions. Roman Reigns wins after suicide spearing (what Big E does) Owens
through the ropes, off the apron, through a table on the outside, and Owens
can’t get up for the 10-count**. I think that would be a pretty badass and
deserving finish of a match and build like this. Obviously Owens isn’t gonna
win. Just dog food for the TRIBAL CHIEF on the road to WrestleMania. I love
Kevin Owens and I hope he doesn’t just go back to the midcard after this. That
fired-up promo he cut where Roman Reigns TURNED HIM OFF WITH A TV REMOTE was
awesome. Owens is so damn good. Keep him at this level.
**WINNER and STILL WWE
Universal Champion: Roman Reigns**
* We go to the
commentators, who plug the official theme song of the PPV. We get a video
package for our next match.
**4TH MATCH: Sasha Banks
(c) vs. Carmella (w/ Reginald) (Singles match for the WWE SmackDown Women’s
Championship)**
* Carmella is out first,
followed by Sasha Banks. **The match gets 12 minutes**. Sasha wins after
Carmella taps out to the Bank Statement after lots of interference by REGINALD.
Easy decision here. Sasha is still one of the most mainstream stars that WWE
currently has, certainly the most mainstream women’s star at least, and it
would be foolish to take the title off her any time soon. Moving on.
**WINNER by SUBMISSION and
STILL WWE SmackDown Women’s Champion: Sasha Banks**
* We get an ad for the
upcoming Elimination Chamber PPV, and then a video package for the next match.
**5TH MATCH: Drew McIntyre
(c) vs. Goldberg (Singles match for the WWE Championship)**
* Goldberg is out first,
followed by Drew McIntyre. We get formal ring introductions but they are
INTERRUPTED when Goldberg hits a spear on McIntyre before the bell has even
rung. It’s not looking good early. Goldberg hits 700 jackhammers. Drew kicks
out of them all. Drew hits 235 Claymore Kicks, and eventually pins Bill. I will
eat my refrigerator if Goldberg comes in and beats ANOTHER young talent for
ANOTHER world title in Twenty-Twenty-Mothafucking-One. There ain’t nothing more
I need to say about the matter. Drew wins. Drew retains. Why? Because it’s the
right thing to do. NOW GO AWAY GOLDBERG. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
**WINNER by PINFALL and
STILL WWE Champion: Drew McIntyre**
* We get an ad for
WrestleMania 37, on April 10 and 11. We also get a short clip of that cheesy
news skit they did where everybody dressed up to announce the next few years of
Mania locations. We get the Rumble by the numbers video package for the last
time, and then we go to the ring to hear the rules of the Rumble, and we get
underway!
**6TH MATCH: 2021 Men’s Royal Rumble Match**
* FULL DISCLOSURE: I
already began writing this post, and more specifically this match, before the
#1 and #2 spots got announced (wrongly) on WWE Backstage. I’m not gonna just
throw away everything I already had because of that. It’s just too big a task
to take up. So for just once, consider this how I WOULD’VE booked the 2021
Men’s Royal Rumble match, since the 1 and 2 they picked fucked a big portion of
this up tremendously. But oh well, the ending stages can still happen,
unaffected by any of that. Now, let’s see how I would’ve done it better..
* #1 is REY MYSTERIO! It’s
a callback to his run in the 2006 match, which he won! Can he pull off the
impossible one more time? Really, it’ll all depend on who starts out at #2
alongside him… can Rey Rey take him? It could be anyone from Hornswoggle, to
The Big Show, to…. Quang. Who will be meeting Rey Mysterio in the first two
entrants?!
* #2 is… DOMINIK MYSTERIO!
OH MY GOD. WHAT ARE THE ODDS?! A few months ago, we got father and son teaming
up for the first time, now, they go one on one for the very first time. Both
are hesitant at first, but then hug, and agree to give each other their best
shot. We’re starting off this year’s Rumble with Mysterio vs. Mysterio! Let’s
go! Dominik learns from the best in the ring, and both hit good lucha things on
each other. Both attempt a 619, but both also avoid and sidestep each other at
the last second. After Rey sidesteps Dom’s 619, they both notice the countdown
clock appearing on the screen, and the countdown from 10 begins. They agree to
stop going after each other for a moment, and to join forces to go after
whoever’s next.
* #3 is… SETH ROLLINS!
Rollins is back for the first time since Survivor Series! And he’s joining the
fray with his old rivals, the Mysterios, presently in the ring! Rollins
returns, still as the messiah gimmick, he stops just before getting in the
ring, and he’s got a microphone with him. He says it’s so good to see Rey and
Dominik again, but he is saddened to see them fighting. He says they are father
and son, and even if the Royal Rumble match is every man for himself, they both
should do what’s right, which before Rollins gets into the ring, is to both
walk over the top rope and eliminate themselves… for the greater good. Rollins
becomes increasingly adamant and the Mysterios reel him in as they both
sheepishly walk and begin getting one leg over the top rope on the announce
table side of the ring, but SETH ROLLINS TAKES THE BAIT AND THE MYSTERIO FAMILY
FEUD COMES BACK TO HAUNT HIM AS THE SECOND ROLLINS STEPS INTO THE RING
OFFICIALLY, REY AND DOMINIK RUN AT ROLLINS AND IMMEDIATELY ELIMINATE HIM. A
huge shocker THIS early into the Rumble match?! Not only is SETH ROLLINS the
first one eliminated of the match, but he might’ve set a brand new Rumble match
record with how fast he was eliminated! We get a huge piped-in gasp and cheers
from the virtual crowd, and we get a shot of Rollins on his knees, on the
outside, eyes bugging out of his head with rage. Rollins went out so fast he
doesn’t even know what hit him! Rollins rushes back into the ring and tries to
eliminate both Mysterios as revenge after the fact, but once again the numbers
advantage of the babyfaces is too much, and Rollins gets sent packing for now
after he’s setup for a DOUBLE 619 FROM DOMINIK AND REY! They both send him out
of the ring a SECOND time now, as the referees and usual fight-breaker-uppers
emerge from the back to force Rollins away from the ring. We go back inside the
ring now and Dominik and Rey are proud of what they’ve just done, and then make
eye contact, they shrug, and continue going at it once again. It’s back to
Mysterio vs. Mysterio! They continue fighting until once again, they cease
going after each other temporarily and agree to team up again when they see
that the countdown clock is back for our next entrant.
* #4 is… CHAVO GUERRERO.
OUR FIRST SURPRISE ENTRANT OF THE MATCH, AND WHAT BETTER TIMING?! A Guerrero in
the ring at the same time as two Mysterios?! IN 2021?! What the hell kind of
world are we living in? We obviously get the touching moment of the families
reuniting in the ring for what may be one of the last times of this generation.
Chavo looks at Dominik and shakes his head and smiles, like he can’t believe
he’s really a part of all this now. There’s no time to waste though, as we get
a 3-way collar and elbow tie-up spot as all 3 guys try and grapple for
position. At this point we get lots of chain wrestling wizardry out of Chavo and
Rey, with Dominik coming in for the occasional clothesline or hurricanrana.
Dominik keeps trying to get a piece but Chavo keeps knocking him down, as if to
say, you’re not experienced enough for something like this. Leave it to the
veterans. Before long, the connection of Guerrero/Mysterios reunion in the ring
develops some strain as Dominik begins shoving Chavo back. Chavo and Dominik
get into a shoving match and it begins to get violent. Dominik wants to prove
his worth, though. They begin throwing wild punches at each other in the
Owens/Zayn fashion, but Rey tries to get in between them both to break up the
scuffle. Cooler heads appear to prevail for a moment, but then Chavo and
Dominik BOTH PUSH REY DOWN to the mat and the brawl resumes. Dominik goes for
the 3 AMIGOS on Chavo, but on the last one, Chavo steals Dominik’s 3rd amigo
and then goes up top for a Frogsplash, and hits it successfully. Rey and Chavo
begin slugging it out in the corner as the countdown clock appears for our next
entrant.
* #5 is… SAMI ZAYN. He’s
out with his personal camera crew, his picket signs, the whole nine yards. He’s
screaming his usual nonsense about the conspiracies going on against him. Sami
talks directly into his personal camera and says he’s about to have a performance
in the Rumble match that PROVES WHY Sami Zayn should STILL be the rightful
Intercontinental Champion. Zayn slides into the ring, sees Dominik, Chavo and
Rey ALL rushing towards him, and then like the slimeball he is, retreats right
back outside, through the MIDDLE rope, and then takes a page out of his own
playbook from a few weeks ago on SmackDown as he HANDCUFFS HIMSELF TO THE
BARRICADE ONCE AGAIN, REFUSING TO GET BACK INTO THE RING UNTIL “JUSTICE IS
SERVED”. He holds up the key and then slips it into his pocket. This is gonna
be one of the stories streamlining throughout the entire match. How will it end
up?! Keep reading on to find out. Zayn is yelling obnoxiously, and still will
not get in the ring, although he is now technically an official entrant in the
match, since he actually stepped foot into the ring. Zayn talks to his camera
crew about how this was his plan all along (even though it really wasn’t), he’s
gonna stand outside the ring, handcuffed so no one can get him, and he will
officially be recognized as the IRON MAN of this year’s Men’s Royal Rumble so
that maybe then he can “get some more oppurtunities around here” and be
deemed worthy of an IC Title rematch, even though he’s just stood outside the
ring for ages! Sami Zayn is a genius! Chavo and Rey are disgusted by Zayn’s
actions here, and taunt him and challenge him to get into the ring. Chavo is so
irate that he steps up onto the middle rope to get Zayn’s attention, and all of
a sudden DOMINIK RUSHES UP FROM BEHIND AND TRIES TO TIP CHAVO OVER THE TOP, but
Chavo hangs on! Rey pushes DOMINIK down now, for a taste of his own medicine,
and Rey pretty much cusses out Dominik without actually cursing. Rey is hot but
after a moment he comes to his senses and his face looks full of regret and
guilt for shoving down his own son. Rey apologizes and explains that it’s the
best case scenario for all 3 of them to keep Chavo in there so he can be by
their side whenever one of them needs saving from potential elimination. Chavo
and Dominik shake hands and apologize to each other, and for the last time in
this match, the Guerrero and the two Mysterios are ultimately united. They’re
patting each other on the back and Sami Zayn is on the outside still,
pretending to cry at this beautiful moment, and starts yelling at them all, and
calls them a “pathetic sob story”, or something like that. The 3 guys in the
ring ignore Zayn’s comments and they all face the entryway, side by side, a 3
man wrecking crew, as the countdown clock reappears on-screen.
* #6 is… KING CORBIN (with
his king’s scepter, this is important). Yet another storied rival to the
Mysterio family enters early in the match to meet them both in the ring. Quite
the story being told here; Dominik and Rey meeting first the ghost of Christmas
past in Seth Rollins, and now the ghost of Christmas present in King Corbin,
who’s been antagonizing the Mysterios in recent weeks and has defeated Dominik
two weeks in a row on SmackDown. Corbin makes his way slowly down the ramp, and
he stops dead in his tracks to confront Sami Zayn, who still has himself
handcuffed to the barricade, the clock still ticking away towards his hopes of
Royal Rumble Ironman status. Zayn is being his usual loudmouth prick self, and
throws jabs at Corbin about losing his hair, and not even being a *REAL* king.
Corbin is obviously peeved, but looks down for a second and laughs, before
BLASTING SAMI ZAYN RIGHT IN THE DOME WITH HIS SCEPTER. Zayn has been shut up
for the time being, and Zayn is rolling down on the ground, in over-exaggerated
pain, his arm still caught up in the handcuffs on the other side of the
barricade. Corbin slides into the ring, and there still is Rey, Dominik and
Chavo Guerrero, who all initially take the beatdown to King Corbin. Kicks and
punches raining down from the trio but Corbin manages to get the advantage he
needs as he delivers a LOW BLOW to Dominik, and subsequently a LOW BLOW to Rey.
Chavo is incensed by what Corbin’s done to his family and whips him into the
corner, and then runs to the other corner and back to try for a flurry of
clotheslines to Corbin, but Corbin is just one step ahead and so as Chavo is
running back, he’s is sent FLYING over the top by the King for the big
elimination. Corbin, like the heel he is, ruin’s everyone's fun by being the one
to eliminate one of the big surprise entrants. It’s back now to just Rey and
Dominik being the ones teaming up to go after everyone else that comes against
them. Both are showing signs of fatigue now as Corbin brings the onslaught to
both with some of his signature moves. Corbin grinds down Dominik especially,
with a trifecta of sidewalk slams, followed by a surfboard stretch on the mat,
making Dominik really suffer. Rey tries to break it up after a minute but still
Corbin is the fresher man and he knocks Rey down with a wicked clothesline.
Corbin works over the Mysterio family in the ring as we go back to a shot of
Sami Zayn on the outside, now being tended to by doctors, for what he’s
claiming to be a fractured orbital, which he’s so blatantly lying about. The
ringside doctors are shining a mini flashlight in Sami Zayn’s eye and even the
commentary team isn’t buying it. Sami is wailing out in forced pain as the
countdown clock appears for our next entrant.
* #7 is... CESARO. He makes
his way down the ramp, and stops to take a look at the scene as all the doctors
are still tending to Sami Zayn’s “career threatening injury”. Cesaro shakes his
head and initially brushes it off, and he gets one foot on the apron when he
hears Sami Zayn hurling insults behind him. Sami says that Cesaro was the one
who held down The Artist Collective of himself, Cesaro and Nakamura. He was
always the weak link, and he’s got NO chance of winning the Royal Rumble match
tonight! Cesaro can take no more and stands up for himself by turning back
around and LAYING SAMI ZAYN OUT ONCE AGAIN WITH A HUGE RUNNING UPPERCUT RIGHT
SQUARE IN THE JAW. Cesaro claps his hand together like he’s just finished a
day’s worth of hard work and then goes back and finally slides into the ring.
Sami Zayn is on the outside now, and it’s all going wrong for him tonight. As a
result of the vicious uppercut from Cesaro, Zayn is now claiming that on top of
a fractured orbital suffered at the hands of Corbin jabbing him with his
scepter, HE NOW TELLS THE DOCTORS THAT HE THINKS HE MIGHT HAVE A SEVERELY
BROKEN JAW AS A RESULT OF CESARO’S UPPERCUT. Sami Zayn is making every excuse
in the book to prevent himself from having to get in the ring, as the clock is
still ticking away yet towards him being this year’s Ironman, even though he’s
been spending the whole match on the outside of the ring! Sami is wailing in
pain now and switches back and forth between his eye injury and his jaw injury,
losing track of one over the other, and back and forth. Classic heel tactics here.
Back to the ring now and Cesaro goes wild with an UPPERCUT PARTY to Rey,
Dominik and King Corbin, going from pillar to post. The uppercut train
steamrolls through The Mysterios and they both collapse to the mat, except for
Corbin, who sidesteps Cesaro’s finishing uppercut and bounces off the ropes to
try and knock Cesaro down, but CORBIN SUCCUMBS TO ONE LAST UPPERCUT ANYWAY,
THIS TIME AS HE FLIES UP INTO THE AIR AND IS MET WITH A VERY EUROPEAN UPPERCUT
ONCE HE MEETS HIS DATE WITH GRAVITY. Cesaro is on a roll and lets out a roar in
the center of the ring. He goes to try and eliminate Corbin, and dumps him
over, but Corbin manages to hang on. Sami Zayn is absolutely suffering still on
the outside. Doctors are trying to snap Sami’s jaw “back into place”, and Sami
is letting out fake screams of anguish. Cesaro, Corbin, Rey and Dominik all go
at it in the ring as the countdown clock appears back on the titantron for our
next entrant.
* #8 is… SHINSUKE NAKAMURA.
Yet another *FORMER* member of The Artist Collective, and a *FORMER* partner of
Sami Zayn. Nakamura comes out to his old school babyface theme song and is
performing the usual antics of his entrance, but he too stops right before
getting into the ring to glance at the sad, pathetic state of Sami Zayn and his
2, count ‘em, TWO “career-threatening injuries” that he’s suffered so far, and
he’s not even been in the ring for more than 5 seconds! Like Cesaro, Nakamura
looks, points and laughs, and then seemingly brushes it off and is about to
enter the ring when all of a sudden, SAMI ZAYN JUST CAN’T HELP HIMSELF AND HIS
BLABBERMOUTH GETS HIM IN TROUBLE YET AGAIN. Sami is holding one hand over his
“fractured orbital” and the other is holding his “broken jaw”. Zayn hurls
insults at Nakamura, saying that SHINSUKE is the one who should go to hell, not
himself. He says that ever since their match in NXT, Nakamura has been on a
steady decline down the ranks of WWE, which does have just that little bit of
truth to it, but we the fans can’t stand to hear it, which is one of those
things that makes the very best heels in wrestling. Zayn caps off his verbal
assault by telling Nakamura to “GO BACK TO NEW JAPAN TO RIDE OUT THE REST OF
YOUR WORTHLESS CAREER”, and now Nakamura can take no more. He turns around, and
RUSHES AT SAMI ZAYN WITH A BRUTAL KINSHASA SQUARE IN THE FACE. Sami Zayn
doesn’t have enough hands to cover up all 3 of his injuries now, as Sami Zayn
is now beginning to claim that Nakamura BROKE HIS NOSE from that Kinshasa,
which he also calls an ‘UNPROVOKED” ATTACK. Nakamura turns back around now and
slides into the ring to direct his attention to actually winning the Royal
Rumble match. Commentary makes sure to mention the momentum that Nakamura has
garnered lately, namely in that Gauntlet match, and coin him as one of the
favorites to win it all this year, possibly becoming one of the few 2-time
winners. Sami Zayn is on the outside still, now calling for tissues to try and
plug the imaginary blood that is gushing from his broken nose, while the
doctors also try to rewire his broken jaw shut, and examine his broken orbital
bone. Sami Zayn is an absolute mess so far tonight. In the ring now is Rey and
Dominik Mysterio, King Corbin, Cesaro and Shinsuke Nakamura, as well as Zayn
who is still riding out the clock with every excuse he can muster in an attempt
to be named the 2021 Ironman. Nakamura runs wild with a flurry of offense to
all 4 men. Nakamura hits an Exploder Suplex on Rey Mysterio, a dropkick on
Corbin, and then gets both Dominik and Cesaro up on the top-rope, belly first,
and does the rolling knee strike. Cesaro and Dominik are both sent over the top
rope from the momentum, but they both hang on and avoid elimination. Nakamura
and Corbin go at it now in the corner and trade blows as the countdown clock
appears on the screen for our next entrant.
* #9 is… DANIEL BRYAN.
Certainly one of the favorites to win this match by many online… we’ll see if
that means anything here. Bryan looks pumped up and Yes Chants all the way down
the ramp, but again stops, his back to Sami Zayn, and slowly stops and lowers
his arms as Sami Zayn begins YET ANOTHER vicious verbal assault, this time on
Daniel Bryan. Zayn is absolutely struggling to his feet now, switching between
which of his injuries hurts the most every 3 seconds. Zayn berates Bryan for
never having won a battle royal in his entire career, for his infamous history
with the Royal Rumble match, not being “good enough” to be a part in 2014, and
then his quick elimination in 2015. Zayn caps it off by telling DB that “YOU’LL
GO HOME TONIGHT, NOT HAVING WON THE ROYAL RUMBLE, AS A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT TO
BRIE AND YOUR TWO KIDS, BUT THEN AGAIN, THAT’S NO DIFFERENT FROM EVERY NIGHT
WITH YOU AS THEIR FATHER”. This sets Bryan off. His jovial smile and
joking-mood immediately turns to stone as Sami utters those words…. *WELCOME
EVERYONE TO THE MLB PLAYOFFS. HERE’S DANIEL BRYAN AT THE PLATE, READY TO RUN
THE BASES AND SCORE THE GAME-ENDING HOME RUN. RIGHT-FIELDER SAMI ZAYN HAS
ALREADY ACHIEVED A TRIFECTA, HERE’S BRYAN LOOKING TO RUN A 4-LINE TO HOME
PLATE! BRYAN SWINGS, AND OH MY GOD HE’S JUST KNOCKED ZAYN’S BASEBALLS OUT OF
THE PARK*. Yeah, Daniel Bryan kicks the **shit** out of Sami Zayn’s nuts, and
this takes Zayn out of the equation for a little while, as he seems to learn to
shut his mouth after this as everyone passes him by. But don’t worry, he’ll be
back soon enough to make his obnoxious presence known. Bryan slides into the
ring, and it is ON. Corbin goes for a clothesline, but Bryan ducks and begins
his comeback sequence immediately by running the ropes and delivering a flying
elbow to Corbin. He’s knocked down and Cesaro then runs at Bryan to try and cut
him off, but Bryan hits a german suplex and Cesaro rolls through onto his
knees, into a flurry of Yes Kicks. Nakamura, Rey and Dominik ALL run at Bryan
in the same manner, and they’re ALL knocked down to their knees. YES KICKS FOR
EVERYONE as Bryan finishes it off by kicking Rey in the head, kicks Dominik in
the head, and then goes to kick Cesaro in the skull, but Cesaro catches it and
hoists Bryan up into a big powerbomb. Cesaro tries to eliminate Bryan, and then
CORBIN SNEAKS UP FROM BEHIND TO TRY AND DUMP THEM BOTH OVER, but both hang on.
Dominik and Rey try to get back in this thing now and they target Cesaro and
Nakamura respectively. They both whip Ces/Nak into the ropes but the former SD
Tag Team Champions come back with offense of their own. Cesaro and Nakamura
look at each other and they nod and subconsciously agree to put their heads
together and work together once again as a team. Cesaro takes the beating to
Rey and Nakamura goes after Dominik in the corner, as the countdown clock
appears for our nex entrant.
* #10 is… JOHN MORRISON. He
makes a break for it down the ramp and brushes right past the broken mess that
is Sami Zayn, who knows better by this point. Morrison immediately goes big and
tries to eliminate both Dominik and Nakamura in the corner, but both manage to
hang on. We get some liquid wrestling for a bit between Morrison and Daniel
Bryan because I really want to see that match, and everybody slugs it out for a
while up until the countdown clock appears for our next entrant.
* #11 is… KYLE O’REILLY!
We’ve got our first NXT surprise entrant of the night, and who better right
now?! KOR runs wild and we get some LIQUID WRESTLING between O’Reilly and
Daniel Bryan for a while because I **REALLY** want to see that match, too!
Nakamura, Cesaro, Bryan and Kyle O’Reilly all trade off doing incredible
technical wrestling to each other, and it’s a bit of an Indie dreamfest in the
ring at the moment. Cesaro and Nakamura team up to try and eliminate KOR but he
manages to fight out of it, and hits a leg sweep on Cesaro, and then a bodyslam
on Nakamura ON TOP of Cesaro. The Mysterios now begin to take the fight to both
O’Reilly and Bryan as the countdown clock appears for our next entrant.
* #12 is… SHEAMUS. He
screams FELLA and then charges down to the ring and runs wild right out of the
gate, as he sees John Morrison leaning against the ropes and clotheslines him
over the top to the floor for the elimination. Sheamus and Cesaro then both go
for each other at the same time but stop abruptly as they both make eye
contact, and have a nice little moment with their history as The Bar. They see
Corbin getting up now and then both look back at each other, and for old times
sake, they do their pose, they say “WE DON’T JUST SET THE BAR, WE ARE THE
BAR!”, and they both run and clothesline King Corbin over the top to eliminate
the big man! Sheamus is too cocky, taunting Corbin on from the inside, bragging
that he and Cesaro are the greatest team in all of WWE, when all of a sudden
Cesaro TAKES ADVANTAGE AND TIPS SHEAMUS OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR. Cesaro
has betrayed Sheamus, who barely even got a chance to do anything! Sheamus is initially
livid and he’s yelling at Cesaro, but eventually Cesaro is like “Every man for
himself!” and Sheamus is all like “Ahaha fella, you got me, you little
rascal!”, so cooler heads prevail, and the two fistbump and Sheamus goes to the
back, but not before delivering one good stomp to Sami Zayn, who was just
beginning to get up, after suffering a kick to the nuts, a broken nose, a
broken jaw, and a fractured orbital. Sheamus also goes after Sami Zayn’s
conspiracy camera crew, throwing them into the barricade and the steel steps.
All of Zayn’s crew is pretty much taken out by this point, but there’s nothing
Zayn can do. Sheamus walks up the ramp. In the ring now are The Mysterios,
Cesaro, Nakamura, Daniel Bryan and KOR. They all continue to slug it out as the
countdown clock appears for our next entrant.
* #13 IS DOLPH ZIGGLER.
Ziggler goes on a tear, handing out Superkicks and Fameassers for anyone that
blocks his path. Ziggler targets Rey and Dominik, the first two in the match,
and the most tired. KOR stops it from happening and gets his time to shine now
as he goes wild on Dolph with strikes. Ziggler goes for a Superkick, but
O’Reilly catches it and snaps Ziggler down to the mat as O’Reilly locks in a
Kneebar to try and soften him up. Dominik Mysterio sees this happening and goes
to the top rope but high risk proves a high reward as he hits a Frogsplash onto
the legs of both Ziggler AND O’Reilly, taking them out of commission for the
time being. This begins a comeback for the Mysterio Family in this match. Rey
and Dominik take out Cesaro and both go for a Double 619, when all of a sudden,
**SETH ROLLINS COMES BACK INTO THE RING OUT OF NOWHERE AFTER BEING ELIMINATED
IN SECONDS BY THE MYSTERIOS EARLIER IN THE MATCH. HE’S GOT A KENDO STICK AND
TIES UP BOTH REY AND DOMINIK IN THE ROPES**. It’s scenes hauntingly reminiscent
of the time Seth Rollins brutalized Dominik on RAW in this same fashion. Seth
Rollins wails away at both Rey and Dominik, both tied up in the ropes next to
each other. Rollins trades between both men and it’s not looking good for the
Mysterio family. Not at all. Rollins screams that The Mysterios should’ve just
followed THE GREATER GOOD, and this is the consequence for not doing so.
Rollins leaves the ring now and gets a steel chair. One big step up from a
measly Kendo Stick. The countdown clock appears on the screen now and Rollins
is trash-talking the Mysterios. Rollins reels back, ready to crack Dominik in
the skull with the chair, when the buzzer sounds, and….
* #14 is… EDGE. Two years
in a row, Edge is making a return in the Rumble match, and Rollins mercifully
directs his attention to the ramp, ready to fend Edge off. The music plays, and
it plays, but nobody comes down the ramp. **All of a sudden, we get a shot of
EDGE JUMPING THE BARRICADE AND COMING IN FROM BEHIND TO ATTACK ROLLINS. Edge
DESTROYS Rollins with his own steel chair for his sins toward the Mysterios,
and pounds Rollins down to the ground. Rollins is incapacitated, and for some
reason, Edge backs up very slowly to the corner. His gaze on Seth Rollins has
not been broken. Edge is setting up for something, but it’s not the spear. EDGE
RUNS AND HITS A CURB STOMP ON SETH ROLLINS!! ROLLINS IS OUT. It’s only fitting
that Edge uses Rollins’ own move against him, the SAME MOVE in which Rollins
threatened to use to SNAP EDGE’S NECK, PARALYZE AND KILL HIM WITH ON RAW IN
2014. FINALLY, we are getting a payoff to that moment. Edge unties both Rey and
Dominik from the ropes, and they’re set free. Edge goes to make sure they’re
both okay, and then looks back again at Rollins. Edge takes one steel chair,
the one Rollins used, and Edge places it under Seth’s head. Edge then leaves
the ring and get’s a SECOND steel chair, and we all know what’s coming next.
Edge is about to hit the Conchair-to, but Rollins begins crying out for him not
to do it. Rollins begs and pleads for mercy, and Edge stops mid-swing and
debates whether he should do it, but then he looks at the welts on Rey
Mysterio, he looks at the bruises on Dominik, and his face is filled with
determination. Edge swings and sends the chair CRASHING DOWN ON ROLLINS HEAD
and the Conchair-to has been dealt out successfully. Edge tosses the chairs out
of the ring now, and Edge, Rey and Dominik all grab a hold of Rollins and send
him careening over the top rope for the THIRD time of the night. This time,
he’s gone for good**. Good has triumphed over Evil, or you could say Good
triumphed over the Greater Good. Edge and Rey properly have a moment now as
commentary mentions their history and run as Tag Team Champions in 2002. Edge
hugs Domink too and ruffles his hair. Dolph Ziggler tries to ruin the moment
and runs toward Edge but he eats a Spear and gets eliminated. Edge and The
Mysterios split up now and they go after Cesaro, Nakamura and Bryan as the
countdown clock appears for our next entrant.
* #15 is... AJ STYLES.
We’re halfway there, whoaaaoh, livin’ on a prayer. He’s out with Omos, of
course. Styles enters the fray by springboarding off the top rope with a
Phenomenal Forearm to Kyle O’Reilly. Styles goes crazy on everyone. Ushigoroshi
to Cesaro, Ushigoroshi to Rey, Bryan goes for the Running Knee but Styles
counters with a Pele Kick. We get a moment with Styles and Nakamura. They
circle each other for a bit and then unleash that sweet Strong Style ‘ish on
each other. Nakamura goes for the rolling knee but Styles gets off and sends
Nakamura shoulder-first into the ring post. Styles is full of himself and poses
to the hard cam, but we also see Edge right behind him, calling for a Spear as
soon as Styles turns around. Styles does just that, and Edge runs for the
spear, but Styles leaps back and puts his hands up, as if to say STOP! Edge is
perplexed and Styles reminds Edge of what happened to him in last year’s Rumble
match, when he took a spear and landed on his shoulder and *legitimately*
injured himself. This is good. Bring a bit of realism into the kayfabe. Edge
shakes his head and kicks Styles in the gut, and tries to throw him over the
top, but Styles manages to hang on. The focus is on Edge and AJ Styles going at
it in the center of the ring, and the countdown clock appears for our next
entrant.
* #16 is… JEFF HARDY. He
jogs down the ramp and he goes after Kyle O’Reilly when he gets into the ring.
Hardy and KOR brawl into Edge and AJ Styles, and they all look at each other,
and then AJ and O’Reilly begin going at it, while Edge and Jeff Hardy stare
each other down in a TLC reunion moment. Edge and Jeff fistbump and agree to
team up to eliminate everybody and as Jeff goes to grab Daniel Bryan, Edge
double crosses Jeff and goes to toss him over the top rope, but Jeff reverses
and tries to send Edge over the top, but he stops it too. Edge and Jeff begin
to argue and the TLC boiz have officially broken down. Edge tries to hit Jeff,
but Jeff blocks and nails a Twist of Fate on Edge. Jeff goes up top to try a
Swanton Bomb, but Edge is too quick and takes advantage by knocking Jeff off
his perch, and pushing him over the top for the elimination. Bryan and Edge
begin to go at it now as the countdown clock appears for our next entrant.
* #17 is… MAIN EVENT JEY
USO. Jey swaggers out and slides into the ring, immediately with a Superkick to
Edge. Nakamura tries to rush Jey, but he ends up getting Superkicked and then
taking a Samoan Drop. Cesaro begins delivering uppercuts to Jey, and even
knocks him against the ropes, but when Cesaro runs the ropes to try and
clothesline Jey over, he gets scooped up and takes a Samoan Driver for his
troubles. Jey is extremely dominant so far. IMAGINE if he were to win this
whole thing, and decided to challenge HIS TRIBAL CHIEF, Roman Reigns. We’ll see
if that happens. Jey needs to have a really good showing in this match. **After
it seems Jey has fended off just about everyone in the ring, DANIEL BRYAN tries
his hand at chopping the Uso down and delivers Yes Kicks to stun Jey
temporarily. Jey is woozy trying to get back to his feet, as Bryan delivers the
final kick to the head of Jey, who collapses out of the ring through the middle
rope. Bryan sees his opportunity here, and runs the ropes for a SUICIDE DIVE
THROUGH THE MIDDLE ROPE ON JEY, WHO COUNTERS IT MID-AIR WITH A SUPERKICK. Bryan
is hung up on the middle rope and Jey snatches Daniel Bryan to the outside. Jey
begins clearing the announce table and lays Daniel Bryan across it. Both men
have not been eliminated but it’s chaos on the outside as JEY CLIMBS UP ONTO
THE BARRICADE WALL AND DELIVERS AN USO SPLASH TO DANIEL BRYAN THROUGH THE
ANNOUNCE TABLE**. Piped-in holy shit chants ensue. Daniel Bryan has to be OUT
for the rest of this match. There’s no way he’s getting back in this. All the
odds in the world are against him. Jey leaves Bryan for dead and rolls back
into the ring and superkicks Kyle O’Reilly over the top rope for the
elimination. Jey continues his dominance as he delivers chops to Dominik in the
corner, and the countdown clock appears for our next entrant.
* #18 is… THE MIZ. Because
frankly, after a big spot like Jey putting Bryan through the announce table,
there’s no better come-down than The Miz. Sorry, Mike. After that’s all
happened though, Miz sees this fit as the perfect chance to do all of Daniel
Bryan’s moves, since he can’t get into the ring to kick his ass for it at the
moment. Miz goes for his Snap DDT on Jey Uso, but he twists out and hits a Superkick
on Miz. Miz crawls into the corner and Uso calls for the RUNNING ASS TO FACE
and hits it successfully. Nakamura comes out of nowhere and hits Jey with a
knee to the gut and a flurry of strong style strikes. Nakamura goes for one
kick too many, and Jey catches it and delivers a brutal corkscrew to the leg of
Shinsuke. Jey is out to cripple Nakamura and wraps his leg over the bottom rope
and stomps it dry. Nakamura is in agony and it looks like there’s no one
capable of stopping Jey Uso’s samoan wrath when all of a sudden...
* #19 is… SAMOA JOE! Joe
just real slowly stands up from the announce table, unbuttons his shirt, slips
out of his casual Friday pants, and HE REVEALS THAT HE’S GOT HIS GEAR ON. SAMOA
JOE IS FINALLY BACK AS A WRESTLER. Joe rushes the ring to save his former NXT
rival Shinsuke, and delivers the jabs to Jey Uso. It would’ve seemed like Joe
would help Jey and want to join The Bloodline with Roman, but no, it’s very
much the opposite. Samoa Joe locks Jey Uso in the Coquina Clutch and Jey goes
to sleep. Joe, Styles and Edge go at it as the countdown clock appears for our
next entrant.
* #20 is… KEITH LEE. Now
look, I know just this week Mia Yim announced on her social medias that she’s
tested positive for Covid, but if there’s even the slightest chance that they’ve
both been so busy that they’ve not even been around each other much the past
couple of days, I think this could still realistically happen. If it’s
absolutely mandatory for Keith to stay away and quarantine for 2 weeks, then
this spot can go to some other big guy like the great **T-BAR**, perhaps. But,
for the sake of this post, I’m gonna go with it as if Keith Lee is still in
this thing. Keith walks down the ramp, and I HOPE Y’ALL HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN ABOUT
SAMI ZAYN’S DEBACLE. **After being down for a few entries, Sami Zayn is back on
his feet, like a gnat that just won't die. Sami Zayn begins the verbal assault
on Keith Lee. Zayn calls him fat, out of shape, he says his new theme music
sucks, and says that the only glory that people should be basking in is the
glory of SAMI ZAYN. Keith Lee isn’t having any of it. He backs up a bit, stops
for a second, AND THEN CHARGES AND POUNCES SAMI ZAYN THROUGH THE FUCKING
BARRICADE. The entire thing falls over, and in the process, the key to unlock
Sami Zayn’s handcuffs GOES FLYING out of his pocket way far away, out of Zayn’s
reach. Zayn has been OBLITERATED and he calls for the doctors to come over yet
again, this time, having suffered cracked ribs, upon testicular pain from
Bryan, upon a “broken nose” from Nakamura, upon a “broken” jaw from Cesaro,
upon a “fractured orbital” from Corbin. Keith Lee enters the ring and
immediately runs wild. Pounces, Spirit Bombs and BBC’s for absolutely everyone
in sight. Keith takes out absolutely everyone, but his tear is stopped dead in
it’s tracks thanks to a Phenomenal Forearm from AJ Styles that knocks Keith off
his feet. AJ Styles is the only man standing in the center of the ring. As the
countdown clock appears, Styles strikes a pose and looks toward the stage,
ready to take on a new entrant.
* #21 is… Wait a second…
huh? The clock strikes 0, the buzzer sounds, and.. AJ Styles’ music hits the
speakers. But that can’t be right, AJ Styles is already in the ring! He’s
already entered the damn match! Everybody in the ring looks around at each
other, baffled, when all of a sudden, standing on the outside, **FUCKING OMOS
GRABS THE TOP ROPE AND CLIMBS UP ONTO THE APRON. HE STEPS OVER THE TOP ROPE AND
STEPS FOOT IN THE RING AS A COMPETITOR FOR THE FIRST TIME**. Everybody’s jaw is
on the floor as this MOUNTAIN OF A MAN stands before them. AJ acts all friendly
with Omos, like they’re going to team up to eliminate the entire rest of the
field, but **the first thing Omos does in the ring is GRAB AJ STYLES BY THE
THROAT, LIFT HIM UP, AND RAGDOLL HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE**. Omos eliminates AJ
Styles! Yet another shock moment in this match! Rey and Dominik both run at
Omos, but it proves to be a very very unwise mistake, as Omos grabs a hold of
both their throats, and runs them over the top rope, as #1 and #2 have finally
been eliminated! Omos is looking incredibly impressive in his debut! Keith Lee
tries his hand next, and runs the ropes multiple times to try and pounce Omos,
but Omos just will not move. Omos grabs a hold of Keith Lee now and tries to
eliminate him, but all the wrestlers in the ring see the GIANT problem before
them, and Cesaro, Shinsuke, Edge, Jey Uso, The Miz AND Samoa Joe ALL team up to
get Omos over the top rope, as Keith Lee manages to hang on, but Omos is
eliminated and the cherry on the cake is that AJ Styles was there on the
outside to pull Omos over the top rope. Omos gets back on his feet after this,
eyes down AJ Styles, and Styles runs FOR HIS LIFE to the back as Omos slowly
stomps after him.
* #22 is… BAD NEWS BARRETT!
Yet another surprise entrant! Barrett comes down with a microphone and cuts a
classic “I’M AFRAID I’VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS”. He talks about the bad news that
is Sami Zayn’s current situation, and he delivers some bad news for everyone
left in this match that he is going to eliminate every remaining superstar, and
go on to main event WrestleMania. Barrett drops the mic and slides into the
ring. Barrett goes after everyone and knocks them down with a Bullhammer Elbow.
Barrett hits a Wasteland on Nakamura, and then he and Samoa Joe trade jabs and
strikes as the countdown clock appears for our next entrant.
* #23 is… OTIS. We get a
shot of The Miz fearing for his life, of course being the man who took the MITB
briefcase off of Otis back in October. Otis gets into the ring and The Miz can
see his life flash before his eyes and JUMPS OVER THE TOP ROPE AND ELIMINATES
HIMSELF. Otis, running after him, ELIMINATES HIMSELF AS WELL. Otis chases The
Miz up the ramp, and Miz drops the briefcase by accident. Otis picks it up,
shouts OHHHYEAHHHHHH and then continues stomping up the ramp after being
reunited with his baby. We go to camera backstage to follow the scene and The
Miz is stumbling over his own two feet, trying to get away from Otis. We’re
still backstage and the countdown clock appears in the corner of the screen. We
figure out who it is early as BRAUN STROWMAN RUNS IN FROM OFF-CAMERA AND
BLINDSIDES THE MIZ. Braun rawrs at Otis and then we see him going through the
curtains as the buzzers sounds and his music hits.
* #24, as you just read,
is… BRAUN STROWMAN. Strowman PLOWS DOWN Sami Zayn, who’s just trying to get up
again. Braun eliminates Samoa Joe, Cesaro and Shinsuke Nakamura. Ces/Nak are
two favorites now eliminated, but let’s be honest that they were never really
going to win. They both, at the very least, had two very impressive
performances and lasted a hell of a long time. Braun turns to the hard cam and
yells BRAAAUUUNNN. We get a hoss battle as Braun and Keith Lee go at it until
the countdown clock appears for our next entrant.
* #25 is… RANDY “MIL
MASCARAS” ORTON. He’s still got his mask on, even though he took it off to RKO
Alexa Bliss. Orton gets in there and right away hits old rival Bad News Barrett
with an RKO, and tosses him over the top rope for the elimination. Orton nails
an RKO on Keith Lee, sweeping the big man off his feet. Orton and Edge stare
each other down next, and they block each other’s finishers. Orton goes for an
RKO but Edge pushes him off. Edge runs the ropes for a Spear, but Orton kicks
him in the head, and sends him flying over the top rope, but Edge manages to
hang on! Orton hits the middle rope spike DDT on Edge and then picks him right
back up for an RKO, and hits it this time. Orton retreats to the corner and
calls for the Punt Kick, as the countdown clock appears for our next entrant...
* #26 is… uh, well.. The
buzzer sounds, but there’s no theme music. There’s no video on the titantron.
There’s no one coming down the ramp. Orton is still in the ring waiting for
Edge to get up, and he runs to deliver the Punt, but all of a sudden the lights
begin to go out. One, by one, by one. Orton knows what’s coming next. The
lights go out completely. The lights come back on, and **THE FIEND IS LAYING
FACE DOWN RIGHT WHERE EDGE WAS PREVIOUSLY. THE FIEND IS STILL ON FIRE FROM BACK
AT TLC. Orton runs for the Punt Kick on Fiend now but Fiend leaps up and puts
the Mandible Claw on Randy Orton! Fiend, still with the claw in, sends Orton
over the top for the elimination. Fiend doesn’t care about earthly achievements
like winning the Royal Rumble match and so he steps over the top rope and
eliminates himself. Orton tries to escape but The Fiend grabs Orton again, and
HITS A SISTER ABIGAIL INTO THE BARRICADE. Fiend laughs and the lights go out
again. When they come back on, Fiend and Orton are both gone, and Edge is back
in the ring where he was originally**. Edge gets up slowly, trying to figure
out what just happened, and the countdown clock appears as everyone is still
trying to gather their bearings.
* #27 is… BOBBY LASHLEY.
He’s out with the rest of the Hurt Business. **Bobby Lashley slides in the ring
and IMMEDIATELY ELIMINATES BRAUN STROWMAN. Strowman is furious and slides back
into the ring to lay Lashley out with a Running Powerslam. At this point,
Daniel Bryan has finally risen from the rubble of the announce table and is
crawling back into the ring. Lashley sees this and locks Bryan in the FULL
LASHLEY. Bryan continues to be worn down. Lashley locks everyone in sight in
the ‘Nelson as the countdown clock appears.
* #28 is.. MUSTAFA ALI. A
late entry for Ali.. could he be a darkhorse? He runs wild a bit, hits a
Spanish Fly on Jey Uso, but gets eliminated relatively quickly after a spear by
Edge, who throws him over the top. I feel bad for giving Ali such a nothing
performance but there’s a lot of shit that’s about to happen so there’s just
not too much I can give him. I’d give him a big win over someone like AJ Styles
tomorrow on RAW, though, to make up for it. That’d actually make Retribution feel
somewhat big.
* #29 is.. BIG E.
Finally, the story arc of Sami Zayn throughout this match will come to
fruition. Big E makes his way down the ramp, and Sami Zayn with his multitude
of career-ending injuries he’s suffered, his eyes absolutely light up. All of a
sudden, when he sees Big E, the dude he’s been protesting against for weeks,
he’s a new man. Zayn is on his feet, spewing verbal abuse at Big E. NOT MY IC
CHAMP. Big E decides that he’s finally had enough. Big E politely offers to
help Sami Zayn unlock his handcuffs since he’s lost the key now, so Zayn is
desperate to be freed. Plus, he’s long past being solidified as the Ironman of
this match by this point anyways. In some sick and twisted way, his plan
worked. **Zayn is all polite and grateful now that Big E has offered to free
his wrists from the shackles, and assumes he’s going to get the key. He
doesn’t. Big E grabs Sami’s forearms and HE SNAPS THE CHAIN OF THE HANDCUFFS
HIMSELF. Big E is fuming and Sami Zayn FINALLY RUNS INTO THE RING, BIG E
FOLLOWS, ZAYN TRIES TO ELIMINATE HIMSELF TO GET AWAY FROM BIG E, BUT E GRABS
HIM, HITS A BIG ENDING, AND THEN SENDS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE. THE STORY OF SAMI
ZAYN IN THE 2021 MEN’S RUMBLE ENDS WITH BIG E BEING THE ONE TO ELIMINATE HIM.
The ultimate payoff possible**. Big E goes on tear from here, and we get him
vs. Lashley for a bit in a battle of the big buff black men, and Lashley goes
to clothesline Big E over the top, but BIG E SIDESTEPS, PULLS THE TOP ROPE
DOWN, AND LASHLEY GOES FLYING OVER. Keith Lee runs to try and pounce Big E over
the top, but BIG E SIDESTEPS AGAIN AND HOISTS KEITH OVER THE TOP. Big E has
amassed 3 eliminations within seconds of him entering the ring! Currently in
the ring is Daniel Bryan, Jey Uso, Edge and Big E, as the countdown clock
appears for our final entrant of the night...
* #30 is… **oh.. Oh no. Oh
god. Oh for the love of fuck please don’t let it be true. All our worst
nightmares have become real as #30 in the 2021 Men’s Royal Rumble match is…
BILL GOLDBERG**. But wait, don’t fucking kill me or write a mean comment yet.
It’ll all be for something greater. Eventually Bryan eliminates Edge as they’re
both fighting on the apron and Bryan Yes Kicks Edge against the ropes, and
eventually Edge has taken so much punishment that Bryan just flicks him off and
to the floor.
* WE’RE DOWN TO OUR FINAL
4. DANIEL BRYAN (#9). JEY USO (#17). BIG E (#29). GOLDBERG (#30). Jackhammer to
Jey, throws him out, ties to Goldberg/Reigns history/possibility. Goldberg has
an elimination now, things look to be turning sour for fans.
* WE’RE DOWN TO OUR FINAL
3. DANIEL BRYAN (#9). BIG E (#29). GOLDBERG (#30). Goldberg dominant. Goes for
a spear on Bryan, but Bryan responds with a running knee. Big Ending by Big E,
who eliminates Goldberg, his hero, and all the connections there, like big
meaty men bumping meat etc. HUGE rub for Big E. Goldberg is the perfect #30,
because one of the beauties of pro wrestling storytelling is when you tease
giving the fans something great, and then make it look like you’re gonna take
it away from them, so that when you actually get the good thing after all, it
garners an even bigger reaction and it’s an even bigger moment. Big E
eliminates his dream opponent, and the best WWE meme in years finally happens.
JUST IMAGINE THIS. We have to first go through the darkness to get to the
light, and that’s what’s happened here.
* WE’VE GOT OUR FINAL 2!!!
DANIEL BRYAN (#9) AND BIG E (#29). THIS IS WHAT IT’S ALL COME DOWN TO. ONE OF
THESE MEN WILL GO ON TO WRESTLEMANIA, AND HAVE THEIR NAME FOREVER ETCHED IN
HISTORY. Big E and Bryan, two biggest candidates to win rumble, (as should always
be final 2). Final sequence sees Bryan and Big E have a mini match. Big E with
power moves. Bryan grabs E’s arms and does the face stomps to him draped over
the BOTTOM rope. Big E rolls off the apron. Bryan with a suicide dive through
the MIDDLE rope and then tosses E back into the ring. Bryan goes high risk and
hits the diving headbutt. Bryan starts hitting the Yes kicks. He goes for the
final one, but Big E grabs his leg and powers him up in Powerbomb position,
then on shoulders in big ending position, goes to throw Bryan out on his
shoulders like a lawn dart but Bryan gets off and pushes big e over the top
rope but he hangs on. Bryan with the flurry of running dropkicks to big E on
the apron, each one knocking Big E more loopy, and he’s dangling more and more.
On the 3rd one, Big E sidesteps and hooks Bryan over the top rope with him. E
and Bryan exchange strikes and chops on the apron. Big E shoves Bryan into the
LED ringpost and it flickers. Big E runs post to post with a body splash, Bryan
slumps down, E goes for it again, this time Bryan is ready and hits the running
knee and Big E is sent crashing into his ringpost and then collapses off the
apron. Bryan wins.
* Post match, we get a shot
of Big E on the floor, dejected, as Bryan above him doing a yes chant with
Wrestlemania sign in the background. Juxtaposition. Bryan celebrates a bit then
notices E, leaves the ring, helps him up and shakes his hand. They embrace and
Bryan rolls back in the ring and continues yes chants. Back to shot of big e
walking to the back with Bryan in the background, all of a sudden Roman Reigns
music hits. Walks down with Heyman. He and Big E pass on the ramp, and have a
very extended staredown. They stop and stare, then Reigns continues walking,
but looks back a few times and Big E is walking the other way, still
maintaining his eyes on Roman. Roman shows a bit of concern. A glimpse of
what’s coming. Roman gets in the ring and he and Bryan stare down to close the
show. Reigns holds up the universal title right in Bryan’s face. Michael Cole
on commentary breaks kayfabe a bit, notes how the rumble is where the history
between Bryan and reigns began, how divided these two men’s fanbases were, at
each other’s throats for so many years. The fans wanted Bryan but they got
reigns. Year after year. Bryan lost the rumble that reigns won in 2015 and
everyone was chanting for Bryan and angry about it the whole rest of the night.
That’s real life right there. Brig type of shit into this. Now Bryan has
finally won a rumble match and righted all those wrongs from 2014 and 2015 when
it came to his spot getting snubbed by the “golden boy” Roman. Now, we finally
get to see it come to a head, this storyline, this feud, so much blurred are
the lines of kayfabe and reality when it comes to these two, at Wrestlemania.
You don’t need a writing team of 42 people to write anything for this
storyline. The fans wrote it. Everything single about it speaks for itself. Daniel
Bryan vs. Roman Reigns at WrestleMania. The REALEST match that fake
professional wrestling has had in years. It’s on.
**Daniel Bryan (#9) won the
2021 Men’s Royal Rumble by last eliminating Big E (#29)**
Entry # | Entrant | Order
Eliminated | Eliminated By | Eliminations | Brand
:--|:--|:--|:--|:--|:--|
1 | Rey Mysterio | 9 | Omos
| 1 | SmackDown
2 | Dominik Mysterio | 10 |
Omos | 1 | SmackDown
3 | Seth Rollins | 1 |
Domink Mysterio & Rey Mysterio | 0 | SmackDown
4 | Chavo Guerrero | 2 |
King Corbin | 0 | Legend
5 | Sami Zayn | 22 | Big E
| 0 | SmackDown
6 | King Corbin | 4 |
Cesaro and Sheamus | 1 | SmackDown
7 | Cesaro | 15 | Braun
Strowman | 3 | SmackDown
8 | Shinsuke Nakamura | 16
| Braun Strowman | 1 | SmackDown
9 | Daniel Bryan | WINNER |
N/A | 2 | SmackDown
10 | John Morrison | 3 |
Sheamus | 0 | RAW
11 | Kyle O’Reilly | 7 |
Jey Uso | 0 | NXT
12 | Sheamus | 5 | Cesaro |
2 | RAW
13 | Dolph Ziggler | x | x
| x | x
14 | Edge | 26 | Daniel
Bryan | 2 | RAW
15 | AJ Styles | 8 | Omos |
1 | SmackDown
16 | Jeff Hardy | 6 | Edge
| 0 | SmackDown
17 | Jey Uso | 27 |
Goldberg | 2 | SmackDown
18 | The Miz | 12 |
Eliminated himself to run from Otis | 1 | RAW
19 | Samoa Joe | 14 | Braun
Strowman | 1 | RAW
20 | Keith Lee | 25 | Big E
| 0 | RAW
21 | Omos | 11 | AJ Styles,
Cesaro, Edge, Jey Uso, The Miz, Samoa Joe and Shinsuke Nakamura | 3 | RAW
22 | Bad News Barrett | 17
| Randy Orton | 0 | Legend
23 | Otis | 13 | Eliminated
himself to chase The Miz | 0 | SmackDown
24 | Braun Strowman | 20 |
Bobby Lashley | 3 | uhhhh
25 | Randy Orton | 18 |
“The Fiend” Bray Wyatt | 1 | RAW
26 | “The Fiend” Bray Wyatt
| 19 | Eliminated himself to kill Randy Orton | 1 | RAW
27 | Bobby Lashley | 23 |
Big E | 1 | RAW
28 | Mustafa Ali | 21 |
Edge | 0 | RAW
29 | Big E | 29 | Daniel
Bryan | 3 | SmackDown
30 | Goldberg | 28 | Big E
| 1 | RAW
> FINAL RESULTS:
No. | Results |
Stipulations | Times
:--|:--|:--|:--|
1 | Rhea Ripley won the
Women’s 2021 Royal Rumble match by last eliminating Bayley | 30-woman Royal
Rumble match for a Women’s Championship match at WrestleMania | 60 minutes
2 | Asuka and Charlotte
Flair (c) defeated Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler by Pinfall | Tag Team match for
the WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships | 12 minutes
3 | Roman Reigns (c) (w/
Paul Heyman) defeated Kevin Owens | Last Man Standing match for the WWE
Universal Championship | 20 minutes
4 | Sasha Banks (c)
defeated Carmella (w/ Reginald) by Submission | Singles match for the WWE
SmackDown Women’s Championship | 12 minutes
5 | Drew McIntyre (c)
defeated Goldberg by Pinfall | Singles match for the WWE Championship | 3
minutes
6 | Daniel Bryan won the
Men’s 2021 Royal Rumble match by last eliminating Big E | 30-man Royal Rumble
match for a World Championship match at WrestleMania | 70 minutes
> MY WWE WRESTLEMANIA 37 CARD (April 10th and 11th, 2021; Tampa, FL; Raymond James Stadium)
No. | Results |
Stipulations | Times
:--|:--|:--|:--|
1 | Roman Reigns (c) (w/
Paul Heyman) vs. Daniel Bryan | Submission match for the WWE Universal
Championship
2 | Drew McIntyre (c) vs.
John Cena | Singles match for the WWE Championship
3 | Asuka (c) vs. Charlotte
Flair vs. Rhea Ripley | Triple Threat Elimination match for the WWE RAW Women’s
Championship
4 | Sasha Banks (c) vs.
Bayley | Singles match for the WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship
5 | Big E (c) vs. Aleister
Black vs. Cesaro vs. Kevin Owens vs. King Corbin vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Sami Zayn
vs. Shinsuke Nakamura | 8-man Ladder match for the WWE Intercontinental
Championship
6 | Bobby Lashley (c) vs.
Braun Strowman | Singles match for the WWE United States Championship
7 | The Hurt Business
(Cedric Alexander and Shelton Benjamin) (RAW) vs. The Usos (SmackDown) | Tag
Team match to unify the RAW and SmackDown Tag Team Championships and merge the
divisions
8 | Edge vs. Seth Rollins |
No Holds Barred match
9 | Brock Lesnar vs. Keith
Lee | Singles match
10 | AJ Styles vs. Triple H
| Singles match
11 | Goldberg vs. Randy
Orton | Singles match
12 | Kofi Kingston vs.
Mustafa Ali | Singles match
13 | Bianca Belair vs. Naomi
| Singles match
14 | ”The Fiend” Bray Wyatt
vs. Vince McMahon | Firefly Funhouse match
15 | Andre The Giant
Memorial Battle Royal
16 | Women’s WrestleMania
Battle Royal
Well, that was the post. Thanks for reading! As always, let me know what you liked and/or what you didn’t like from the post, and what from the post you’d like to see actually happen on the show tomorrow night! **Be sure to look out for my next post for the upcoming PPV, “How NXT Takeover: Valentine’s Day”**. Enjoy the RUMBLE tonight, everyone.
